But I still have dreams
by 2162008
Summary: I won't make the same mistakes, not again... Can Spencer forget her first love? Please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

Well I can't stay gone for long folks! This is my second story and I hope you'll like it. Please review, it would mean the world to me!

**Disclaimer: I'm going to put this at the very beginning and hope it works for all chapters, I don't own South or the characters, except for ones that I make up. **

**A/N: I'm basing this story off of One Day, Robots Will Cry by Cobra Starship. The whole song is great, but I got inspiration from one specific part: When you were young you kept a list, of the things you'd miss as you got older**

**Chapter 1: Notebook #1**

When I was younger I thought I knew exactly who I was. I thought that I knew who I wanted to be. I thought I knew what the future would bring. I had it all figured out. The key word in all of this is thought. What I thought was wrong. Life doesn't happen how you plan it. It is just taking me a long time to figure that out. I'm 23 years old and everything is changing.

"Spencer would you put that notebook down. Seriously you are always writing in that thing!"

"Sorry, Mel I just have a lot on my mind. You know it helps me relax. There could be a lot worse things for me to do to relax."

"Yeah, yeah I know. At least you're not some alcoholic or something. I just wish you would let me read it sometime. I mean really what could be so secretive about a little journal?"

I just looked at her. She knows that I don't share my notebook, but won't stop asking to read it. She brings it up almost once or twice a month. I know that I'm supposed to be open with her because we are together, but she has to realize that there are just some things that I need to keep to myself.

"Ok so let's go out tonight or something. I'm sick of just staying home."

I was lost in my thoughts and must not have heard her talking to me.

"Hey Spence! Earth to Spencer!"

"Wha… sorry I'm paying attention. Where do you want to go?" I know where she wants to go. She wants to go to Reds, a bar that is supposed to be the next hottest thing. The only thing it doesn't have is the ability to actually be hot… it's pretty lame actually.

"Reds! I want to go to Reds! We haven't gone in like a month. Please?!"

"Ok fine we can go. Just give me like a half hour to get ready."

Mel jumped up and hugged me. She knows I don't like going to that place, but like everything else she insists on dragging me out of my comfort zone.

As Mel skipped off to the bedroom to change I reopened my notebook, flipping right to page one. This was my list. The list of what I miss as I get older.

#1: Ashley

My number one reason is _her._ The main reason I wish I never had to grow up.

Ok, so I know this chapter is really short but I wanted to just try it out. Should I continue? Let me know what you think!!


	2. Chapter 2

Ok guys, over 100 hits and only 2 reviews?! I know it was a short chapter but come on. All I ask for is a little love!

**Chapter 2: Reds**

I sat there for a minute, lost in my own thoughts, when I heard someone talking in the bathroom. It took me longer than it should have to recognize my own girlfriend's voice calling for me.

"Spencer?! Spencer I can't find my new white shirt. Do you know where it is?" She was going between the bathroom and the bedroom wearing nothing but her bra and underwear. Any normal person would be excited to see their girlfriend like that, but today I wasn't.

"Sorry Mel I have no idea where you put it. Did you try looking in the hamper?" I was trying to sound like a caring girlfriend, really I was, but I had Ashley on the brain.

I had been so good lately. I went months without even thinking about her. With Melissa I was happy. She loved me and for the most part I loved her too. We even had moved in together about 6 months ago. I had no idea that I would come across my old notebook again when Mel made me clean out my boxes that hadn't been unpacked since the move. The notebook had started 3 years ago. There were so many things changing in my life. Nothing I could do would make it stop either. I decided that I would start a list; a list of the things I missed as I grew older. Number one on that list was the most troubling of all. It was Ashley. The list grew day by day and I started to become more comfortable with the fact that I was growing up. After about 2 years or so I decided that it was time to put the notebook away. I kept it, but it was hidden.

"Seriously Spence, let's go!" She looked really good. Her hair was done up and her make up was just right. She kissed me on the cheek and gave me that look that told me I had better hurry up.

I got up and brought my book to my desk. I promised myself that I was not going to make it a regular habit anymore, but unfortunately it was. Mel knows I hate talking about it too. She trys to help, but I think she knows something isn't right. It's been 2 months since I took it back out of that box; two months that brought the thoughts of Ashley back to me.

It only took me about 15 minutes to get ready and we headed out to Reds. I was determined to have a good time with my girl tonight. She deserved it and so did I. Since it was Saturday night the place was pretty full. Living in Chicago was great, but if you went out on a Saturday night you knew that you would run into at least a handful of people you would rather not see.

"Babe this is going to be so much fun! You're going to dance with me right?"

"Of course I'm dancing with you crazy. You think I'm gonna let some random person dance with you? Yeah right!" I grabbed her hand and looked directly into her eyes. Her eyes were a deep green color and went well with her auburn hair. She was stunning, really. It was times like this that made me feel so stupid about having those thoughts about Ashley.

We made our way into the bar and immediately ordered some drinks. I always drank Jack and Coke while Melissa opted for something more "frilly".

I noticed that there was a guy checking out Mel so I grabbed her close to me. "Hey sexy wanna dance?" Guys are always checking her out. It pisses me off sometimes, but then she tells me that they are checking me out too. Whatever, I never notice.

"Yeah just let me finish this drink a minute. Are you really already done with yours?" She looked at me, shocked that I was finished already.

"Sorry, I was thirsty?" She just laughed and downed hers as well.

We went out to the floor and started dancing. It felt good to just dance and forget about any problems that were going on.

_It's like I've waited my whole life for  
This one night it's gonna be me you and  
The dance floor cause  
We've only got one life  
Double your pleasure  
Double your fun and dance_

After about 5 songs I told Mel that I needed another drink. As we headed to back to the bar she noticed a few girls that she wanted to go say hi to.

"I'm going to get us some more drinks; I'll meet you over there in a second."

With both drinks in hand I made my way over to where Melissa was with her friends. None of them looked familiar at first glance, but then it hit me.

"Girls, this is Spencer, my girlfriend. Spence this is Megan, Becca, Liz and Kyla."

"Hi guys." I couldn't believe it. Kyla was Ashley's younger sister. I hadn't seen her in years; well not since I moved out here. I didn't know if I should bring it up now or not. It seemed like Kyla knew what I was thinking because she just smiled and said hi too.

"Ok Spence, so the girls want to go do some dancing. Want to come?"

"No that's ok babe, I'm just going to hang back for a bit and finish my drink."

"Don't stay too long, I want to dance with you some more!"

I hugged her and promised that it wouldn't be too long. She headed out to the dance floor with her friends, but Kyla hung back for a minute.

"Hey Spencer, so we should catch up. Here's my number. Call me, ok?"

"Sure, I'll call you. Now I should probably grab Melissa before she gets picked up by some random guy."

Mel and I danced for awhile longer to a mix of what turned out to be her favorite songs. It didn't take too long before she started to look tired so I suggested that we headed back home. It was a long day and now I had more on my mind. What did Kyla want to talk about? We were never that close to begin with. Maybe she was just being friendly. Yeah that had to be it.

Mel and I ended up falling asleep pretty much as soon as we got home. Number 2: staying up late without a care in the world.


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks to my 1 reviewer… you're my new favorite.

**A/N: Anything in this chapter in italics is a flashback. Just fyi**

**Chapter 3: Art Partners **

I lay in bed the next morning wondering what Kyla could possibly want to talk about. She never really liked me in high school… she only tolerated me because her sister loved me. I never completely understood why she didn't like me. In high school I was one of those kids that crossed group lines. I was friends with almost anyone and for some reason or another that bugged Kyla.

Mel stirred in her sleep. I looked over at her and couldn't stop thinking about how guilty I sometimes feel. I love her, but I am just not in love with her. At least I'm not in the way that I want to be. Ever since Ashley I can't seem to be in love. It makes me feel hopeless at times.

"_Spencer you're going to be late for school! Hurry up!" Glen yelled from the kitchen._

_It was the first day of junior year and I was determined to make it the best year ever. King High was one of those schools that could eat up alive if you weren't careful._

"_I'm coming jerk, now shut up." I hopped down the stairs glaring at my older brother. He was going to be a senior this year and thought that he was the shit. Not to mention that he was convinced that he would make the varsity basketball team this year. He didn't make it last year so I don't know what will any different now, but whatever._

_We drove up to the school to see everyone hanging around. Glen quickly parked the car and found his way to the other basketball jocks. That's the only group of people that I really don't get along with. Stupid jocks think that they can get whatever they want. _

"_Hey girl!" My friend Madison ran up behind me and grabbed me into a hug._

"_Hey Mad! Girl it has been too long… I'm never letting you go to New York for the whole summer again!"_

"_Yeah but you would not believe all the crazy stories I have! And the Long Island boys? Damn!" _

"_I'm sure Madison, but remember guys aren't the only thing that matter."_

"_Oh yeah? Well I think not little Spencer. You haven't been where I have. Trust me." _

_We made our way to first period English just catching up on all we missed during the summer. Madison was one of my best friends and to be honest she was probably closer to me than anyone else. I was friends with a lot of people, but with most I remained guarded. _

"_Hey hotties! Wanna come sit over here by us?" Aiden was one of the basketball jocks. I really hated Aiden. He was a complete ass and would not stop trying to get me to go out with him. My brother didn't help in the matter because he was convinced that I had a crush on Aiden. I have no idea why._

"_No thanks Aiden, I think we're going to pass." I shot him that look that should have told him to get lost, but he didn't pick up the message._

"_Oh come on Spencer. It's the first day back and you don't want to hang with your pal Aiden?" _

"_Please. Don't flatter yourself." Madison and I just laughed and moved over to the other side of the room to take a seat. We were talking when Mr. Williams came in telling us to settle down._

_The first day of classes is always the best because you never have to do any actual work. Mr. Williams went over the class list and started telling us what to expect from the class for that semester. About 10 minutes in the door opened and a girl walked in with the assistant principal._

"_Class this is Ashley; Ashley why don't you take a seat over there by Spencer and we'll continue." _

_Ashley walked over and took the seat next to me. She didn't look nervous like you would expect from someone new. The class continued as normal. We all applauded when Mr. Williams announced that there would be no final exam if you managed to maintain above a B+ average in the class. Ashley seemed to just sit and take everything in. I was intrigued and I didn't know why._

_The bell rang and we all got up to make our way to second period. Madison quickly grabbed me to discuss something that she had forgotten about her New York summer and Ashley slipped out the door. The rest of the day went smoothly. I had a lot of classes without Madison because I was in mostly advanced placement and she wasn't. I was kind of glad because it gave me time to just think. The last class of my day was art appreciation; one class that I was a bit apprehensive about. I walked into the room and found a seat at an empty table. The class filled up quickly when I noticed Ashley entering the room. All of the other tables were already filled except for mine. Ashley came over and sat down next to me._

"_Hey. It's Ashley right?" _

"_Yeah." I could sense that she wasn't really the chatty type like me. _

_Our teacher started talking about how much we would learn about art in his class. Apparently we would be completing a project each week to show off that week's lesson. Painting, sculpting, drawing… I was not the artistic type so this class was going to be hard. _

"_Ok class so I bet you didn't expect that your choice of seating today was going to impact the rest of the semester. The person that you're sitting next to right now is going to be your partner for the entire class. You had better start to get to know them if you don't already, you will be spending a lot of time with them."_

_I looked at Ashley and smiled. She just looked at me and shrugged her shoulders._

"_Well I guess we're going to be partners. Are you any good at art?" My hope was that she could salvage my grade if she was at least a half way decent artist._

"_I'm ok I guess. Why do you suck?"_

"_I'm going to be honest, yes I do suck."_

"_Well I guess then that we'll have to work something out. I'm not doing all the work for free." She smirked at me and it was the first time I ever saw her smile. _

"_Ashley I think this is going to be the beginning of a great friendship. I can feel it." _

"_You're on Spencer."_

_That night I called Madison. She would not stop rambling about this guy or that guy. I was zoning out when she mentioned Ashley._

"_So you're her art partner? I heard that she's really weird."_

"_Madison you don't even know her. How could anyone know she's weird if she just moved here?"_

"_I heard that she moved here because she got kicked out of her old school. Apparently she's a real rebel… always getting in trouble."_

"_Right Mad, you know what I don't really care what the school is talking about. I'll get to know her myself because I want to hear it from her. So what if she got kicked out of another school? Do we need to go over what crap you've done?"_

"_Spencer that's not fair!"_

"_Well just remember that I've known you since we were 5. I have more dirt on you than anyone else. And I'm the only one that knows why you were in New York for the whole summer."_

"_Fine Spence. I'll see you tomorrow."_

_The next day would be the start of something that would change me forever. Our first art project was under way and Ashley was my mentor. _

"Spencer? Spencer, wake up!" Mel started to tickle me. It was the only way she could wake up me.

"What is it?"

"You were dreaming babe. Are you ok?"

"Yeah I'm fine. Let's get some breakfast."

Number 14: Art class


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Gino's **

"Have a good day at work! I'll see you later." Melissa is one of those happy worker people. She has a really good job with the Chicago Tribune. The lucky girl actually likes her job too.

I, on the other hand, am stuck working one of the lamest jobs ever. I'm what you could basically call a slave. I run errands all day at an advertising agency. It isn't glamorous and it sure as hell is not fun. But I am in excellent shape from all of my running around. The saddest part is that I went to college for four years and have a degree that I do not use. Paying those lovely student loans is real fun when the school part now seems useless.

Today as soon as I got to work I had to run a few boxes of print ads down to a publishing company. Luckily it was all the way across town so they didn't expect me back for a good hour. That is one nice thing about the job… they don't expect me to sprint all day everyday. I just can't take a million years for one trip.

As I was making my way I decided to call Kyla.

"Hello?"

"Hey Kyla; it's Spencer."

"Oh hi Spencer. So I was wondering do you have time to get dinner tonight or coffee or something?"

"Yeah sure I'll just have to let Melissa know that I won't be right home. Where do you want to go?"

"How about Gino's?"

"Sounds good, I can get there at like 7."

"Ok see you there. Bye."

"Bye."

Ok so this is big enough that we have to sit down. Honestly I can't seem to stop worrying about what Kyla wants to talk about. I dropped off my boxes at the publishing company and started to head back to my building. I loved days like this when the sun was out, but it wasn't too hot. That's Chicago for you. It never really gets too hot if you stay in the city.

The day went smoothly after that. I mostly did a lot of filing at the office because there weren't a lot of deliveries. I hate filing, but today my friend Jenn was working in the filing room too.

"So how are things?"

"They're good for the most part."

"Uh oh, problems in paradise?"

"Eh, I don't know really. It's so weird right now."

"What's going on? I know you and Mel have your moments, but it can't be that bad."

"It's not necessarily Mel… it's me. I just don't know anymore. Is that horrible of me?"

"Honestly, no. I mean you saw how it was with Donnie and me. Sometimes relationships just don't last. There isn't someone else is there?"

"Well no, not really, but I just am feeling like I'm not being a good girlfriend."

"Not really? Oh Spence you aren't back on your ex are you?" Yes, Jenn knows about Ashley. Well she knows most things about Ashley. We had a drunken night of bonding about a month after I started working here.

"I can't lie Jenn, isn't it always her? I feel horrible… just like I always do. I thought I was over it for good, but lately it's just been back again. And now I ran into her sister and she wants to have dinner tonight. I'm stressing about she could possibly want to "catch up" about."

"Well just have dinner with her and find out. But Spencer, you really need to talk to Mel about this. I know you love her and she loves you too."

"Yeah I know. That makes it so damn hard. How can I love her when I'm still not over Ashley? And the worst part is I don't know if I ever will be."

"You'll figure it out."

As I was packing up to leave work I called Melissa and told her that I had plans for dinner. She understood and said it was ok because she had a lot of work to do. It wasn't too long of a trip over to Gino's to meet Kyla. When I got there I saw her waiting at a table outside.

"Hey Ky."

"Hey girl. Thanks for coming, I was a little worried that you wouldn't show. I know we didn't really leave things on the best of terms."

"Well that's the past, right? Just because we weren't the best of friends before doesn't mean we can't talk now."

We made general conversation while we ate our pizza. Things weren't feeling as strange I was expecting, that is until she brought up what the important piece of information was.

"So Spence, I don't know the last time you talked to Ashley, but I just have to let you know. She is touring with a band right now, I don't know if you've heard of them. They're called Monitor Purpose. Well she plays back up guitar and sings a little. But anyways, they're going to be in town this Saturday and I was wondering if you would like to go with me. I understand if it's weird, but I don't know I just think it might be good."

Ashley plays in a band? They'll be in Chicago in two days? This is a lot to process in such little time. I have no idea what to say or do so I just play with the left over food on my plate. Do I really want to go see Ashley play? Is it really such a good idea? Damn it.

"Yeah Kyla, I think I should go."

"Ok cool, I tickets already so you don't need to worry about that. Do you want me to meet you at your place?"

"No I think it would be better if I go to yours."

"Sure no problem. Listen I have to run, but I will see you Saturday. Be at my place around 8."

"Alright, I'll see you then."

Kyla left me her address and stood up to leave. I don't know what I could be getting myself into, but it could be bad. I could potentially be seeing Ashley for the first time in over 3 years.

**Ok, so I'm starting to think that this story wasn't a good idea. Let me know if you think I should continue but I'm honestly thinking about trashing it. **


	5. Chapter 5

Ok guys, so I had a rough moment… sorry for the over dramatic comment. I'm not going to trash my story, I actually like it. I know its starting a little slow, but hang in there. Hopefully it will give you what you want!

**A/N: Once again italics are flashbacks**

**Chapter 5: Good Question **

"How was dinner?"

"It was good. Just catching up on the old days." I sure as hell am not going to tell her what we were really talking about.

"That's good babe. Want to read a piece I'm working on? I'm not sure if it's turning out right."

"Sure I'll read it, just give me a second I'll be right back."

"_I don't know Ash… I think we should go for something a little easier."_

"_Easier? Spencer it doesn't get much easier than a self portrait."_

_We had gotten our first official art assignment and were having difficulties deciding what to do with it. It had to involve our new technique of pencil shading and I sucked at it._

"_Ash, I just don't think I should do the drawing. You should do it."_

"_Fine, but you so owe me for this…" She started to trail off and laughed a little._

"_What is so funny?"_

"_Oh nothing. Now sit down, you're modeling." _

I read over the article and told Mel that it was good. Honestly I'm not the best person to be proof reading, but I'll do it to make her happy. We decided that it was getting late and opted to watch some TV in bed. How romantic right? Not really because we really were just watching TV.

_Throughout the first few months of school Ashley and I spent a lot of time together. You could safely say that we were cutting it close to the best friends line. Needless to say Madison was none too thrilled. She would still make comments about how strange Ashley was and that I needed to watch out. It was fine until one day when she crossed the line._

"_I don't know Spence… I think Ashley has a crush on you."_

"_Whatever Mad! She's like my best friend these days, how could you say that?"_

"_Best friend? I thought we were best friends! We have been forever and now you're going to ditch me for some lesbo?"_

"_If that's how you're going to treat her than yes, but she isn't gay."_

"_I wouldn't be so sure Spencer. You should ask her. Call me when you need a real friend again."_

_And with that Madison was gone and I was stuck thinking. Could Ashley really have a crush on me? I had never actually thought about it. We had just been spending so much time together that everything felt so natural. Wow, did I have a crush on Ashley? No way, I'm not gay… I'm not gay. Or am I?_

"_Can I ask you a question?" We were working on another art project together after school. This time it was something that I was a little good at: abstract painting. So far mine just looked like a blob and apparently that was good art._

"_Shoot Carlin." _

"_Um… why don't you have a boyfriend?"_

"_Because I don't like any guys here. Why don't you have a boyfriend?" _

"_I'm not sure. Aiden has always tried to get me to go out with him, but I just don't like him. I had a boyfriend last year though. His name was Chris."_

"_Chris, huh? Well he was a lucky guy."_

"_What do you mean by that?" _

"_I mean that anyone who gets to go out with you is lucky. It's as simple as that."_

"_Do you like me Ashley?"_

"_Of course I do. Would I spend so much time with you if I didn't?" She was concentrating on her painting that I couldn't see._

"_Not like that Ash, do you like me like me?" _

_She put down her brush and sighed. Moments passed and neither of us moved or said anything. After a few more minutes Ashley got up and walked over to me. I wasn't sure what to do so I just stayed still. I was frozen in time. _

"_Yes Spencer, I like you like you." She got closer and I could feel that something was going to happen. Her hands went behind my head and she looked into my eyes. "Please don't hate me for what I'm going to do." And like that her lips were on top of mine. I felt almost paralyzed. The kiss deepened and I felt like I was floating. Ashley then backed away and looked at me._

"_Does that answer your question Carlin?"_

_I just shook my head yes and stared back at her._

"Hey Spence, can you turn the TV off now? I can't fall asleep with it on."

"Yeah sure, I'll just go back out to the living room."

"Oh babe, stay here and cuddle with me. You know I sleep better with you next to me." She grabbed my hand and started pouting. How could I say no to that? Easily actually, which made me feel horrible.

Number 20: painting


	6. Chapter 6

So I might not be updating as much as I hope to… this girl has a new girlfriend! Yay!

**Chapter 6: In my life **

Tonight is the night I have been anticipating. It is the night that I will see Ashley again. The view will be from the crowd, but I will get to see her. I feel almost like it might give me closer. At least I hope it does because my relationship with Mel is getting harder by the moment.

"Hey Mel remember I won't be home tonight. I'm going to a concert with Kyla so you don't have to wait up."

"Why am I not invited?"

"Are you 5? Why do you need to go?" I didn't mean to sound so rude, but it just came out.

"Wow Spencer. How do you really feel?"

"I'm sorry Mel, it just came out. I've just been stressed, ok? I didn't mean it."

"You meant it Spencer. I know you did. You think I can't tell by now?"

"Melissa please just listen to me. I didn't mean to say that and I honestly didn't mean it. I just need to go do this on my own, ok? I need to feel like I can do something on my own."

"I just thought that you would want me to be with you, that's all."

"I do, but I need to do this with Kyla. It's kind of a big deal. We never got along before and now she wants me to go to this concert with her. You should go out with your friends tonight too. It'd be good."

"Yeah I'll call some of the girls and hit up a bar or something."

"That sounds like a great idea. Now I have to run, but call me later ok?"

"Sure I'll call you."

I headed out our apartment door into the pleasant Chicago morning. The sound of honking cars and bustling people are almost calming to me. I just love living in the city.

Work was boring as usual. A few runs to some printing companies and one to a local bookstore. I swear I need to look for a new job. This one reminds me of something that a 15 year old boy would do; sort of like delivering the press. I'm just an upgraded paper girl… lovely.

The day went quickly though and soon enough it was time to leave for Kyla's. I kept checking my phone periodically to see if Mel had called, but no such luck. Why hasn't she called me yet? She usually calls on her commute home or during lunch. I decided to step up, be a good girlfriend and just call her. The phone rang and rang then went to voicemail. I left her a message to call me back and to have a good night. For some reason I have a gut feeling that she isn't going to be calling me back. The argument this morning was more than what it seemed.

"Hey Spence! I'm so glad you made it!" Kyla was absolutely beaming when she opened the door.

"Of course Kyla, I wouldn't have missed it." I walked in and took a look around. It was just a normal apartment. Some art on the walls looked nice and of course there were some pictures around of friends and family. I noticed one picture on the coffee table of Kyla and Ashley. It must be fairly recent because Ashley looks older.

"She doesn't know that we're going to the concert tonight, if you were wondering. We won't even have to see her if you don't want to."

I didn't know how to respond so I just nodded. A few minutes later we were walking to the concert venue. The band was playing at one of the smaller clubs in town. Come to think of it, it could be slightly hard to stay hidden. I've been there before and it's pretty easy to spot anyone from the stage. When we arrived the club was already in full swing. For being a small, relatively unknown band, they draw a good size crowd. We made our way through the door and found a small table along the back wall that was open. The main room was open with a bar in the back. High seated tables were along the back wall by the bar and some along the far side of the room.

"Welcome everybody! My name is Mike and I own this fine establishment. I would just like to thank you all for coming out and buying my liquor! Without further ado, I give you Monitor Purpose!"

The crowd applauded as the band took the stage. They were four guys and Ashley. I noticed her right away and wow did she look amazing. The rock star life fit her perfectly. She was wearing tight form fitting jeans and a vintage rocker t-shirt. The guys in the band seemed to adore her, from what I could tell. Kyla was all smiles as we watched their opening number. The second song started and I froze; it was Ashley's voice singing.

"_I swear Spence, I would never hurt you." We were sitting on the floor in front of her bed, talking and cuddling. _

"_I know Ash, I trust you. I just wish that we could be together for real ya know? Not having to hide things."_

"_Well we could do that. Most people at school already know. Madison and obviously Kyla know. You know I want to shout it from the roof tops that I love you. I just wish you would let me." She kissed my forehead and let out a small sigh._

"_I want to scream it too Ashley, I truly do. I'm just scared."_

"_There's no need to be scared babe. I'll be there right by your side. I love you."_

"_I love you too." It was the first time that I said I love you to her. She had told me a few times, but for some reason I could never say it back. I could tell that she was shocked because she didn't move. "I love you Ashley." I said it again and decided to be forceful. I took her face in my hands and kissed her more passionately than I ever had before. _

_The kiss kept going and we made our way from the floor to her bed. In between kisses clothes started coming off. Soon we were both almost naked and she was on top of me._

"_Are you sure about this Spence? We don't have to do anything that you don't want to do."_

"_I'm sure." _

I snapped back to reality when Kyla grabbed my hand.

"Come on lets go dance!" We left our comfortable table and went out to the floor with the crowd. The band's music wasn't exactly the type you would normally dance to, but it was fun. Their songs were upbeat, the exact type of music that Ashley and I loved.

The concert was beginning to rap up and the band announced that they were going to be playing their last song. The lead singer said that he didn't want to disappoint us, but the last song was going to be a slower number. The crowd let out a few boos, but quickly took them back when Ashley took a stool out to the front of the stage with her acoustic.

"I'd just like to say thank you to the guys for letting me end the show. I know it's hard to do that because they need to be remembered, but hopefully I can leave a good impression for all of you. This is a song has a very special meaning to me and I'm sure you've heard it before. I wish that I could have written it myself but that privilege goes to John Lennon. This is _In My Life._"

_There are places I'll remember all my life,  
though some have changed.  
Some forever not for better  
some have gone and some remain.  
All these places have their moments  
with lovers and friends I still can recall.  
Some are dead and some are living,  
in my life I've loved them all  
But of all these friends and lovers  
there is no one compares with you.  
And these memories lose their meaning  
when I think of love as something new.  
Though I know I'll never lose affection  
for people and things that went before  
I know I'll often stop and think about them  
in my life I love you more. _

I could not believe what I was hearing. This was our song. Ashley sang this to me a million times years ago. I would never forget it. I don't think that Kyla knew, but she looked at me and smiled. When Ashley played the final cord I could feel tears starting to form. I looked up at the stage and some how fate stepped in. Our eyes met and time stood still. She ended the song and didn't move. The crowd applauded loudly and started to disperse to the bar and merchandise area. I just stood there and held Ashley's gaze.

"I think maybe we should go backstage. Come on." Kyla took my hand and we made our way around the remaining crowd to the side door.

"_I love you baby and I always will. In my life, I love you more."_

"_I love it when you sing me that song Ash. Can that always be our song?"_

"_Always Spence. It will never be anyone else's but ours. Someday I'll sing it to you in a crowd. I promise."_

**Well what do you think? Getting any better?**


	7. Chapter 7

I've hit a little bit of a road block… that and I can't concentrate for more than 10 minutes.

**Chapter 7: Backstage**

The crowd seemed to part ways as Kyla and I made our way to the stage. Some of the guys from the band were mingling around on stage with some fans and waved at Kyla. I thought she said that no one knew that we were coming to the concert tonight. Maybe they just know her from some other concert of something. We approached the back door where guy stood guarding it… or at least he was acting like he was.

"Hey Jim, you want to let us back there or what?" Kyla slapped him on the shoulder and he seemed to blush. It was kind of hard to tell in the dim light, but I'm pretty sure.

"Sure, anything for you Kyla. Is this a friend of yours?"

"Certainly is, Jim this is my friend Spencer. Spencer this is Jim. He is this bands fine body guard and also the brother of the drummer, Steven."

"It's nice to meet you Jim." I reached out and shook his hand. I don't think he gets out much or gets much attention from girls.

Jim backed away from the door and opened it for us. I'm not sure why he thinks that the band needs security, but at least he's sweet. We made our way down the back hall to the band's area. I was getting nervous knowing that I would actually be seeing and talking to Ashley. Did she really want to see me? Will this be strange or like we were never apart? The suspense alone was killing me.

Kyla walked ahead of me into a large room and I saw the rest of the guys from the band hanging around. Two were playing guitar hero; strange because they just got done playing an entire concert. Then I spotted her, she was sitting on a couch towards the wall with her guitar in her lap. She was strumming lightly and had headphones on. Kyla walked over to her to say hi, but for some reason I just stood there. I couldn't move. After Kyla hugged her, Ashley looked up over at me. Our eyes met again and she smiled. She stood up, placed her guitar back down on the couch and started to walk towards me. I was still completely frozen.

She got closer, still smiling. "Hi." She said almost too quietly to hear. Her voice sounded as sweet as it always had.

"Hey." I whispered back.

"Do you want to talk?"

"Sure."

I looked over at Kyla who was already playing guitar hero with the guys. She winked at me and mouthed to go ahead. Ashley and I moved out of the room and outside. There was what seemed to be their "tour bus" sitting in the back parking lot. It was really just a large van, but I'm sure it was better than some. Ashley took a seat on a bench and signaled for me to join her.

"I didn't know you would be here tonight."

"Kyla invited me a few days ago. I almost didn't come."

"Oh… I honestly didn't even know where you were living."

"I've been in Chicago for about four years now. I moved pretty much right after high school. But Ashley, I'm wondering, if you didn't know that I was going to be here then why to you play our song?"

"Spencer I play that song at every concert. They always let me play it at some point in the set."

"But why? Why are you still playing our song after this many years?"

"Because I made you a promise that I would sing it to you in front of a crowd. I guess I was always hoping that someday you would be there to hear it and now you did. I never forgot Spencer."

"Ashley there are so many things that have changed. So much is different now."

"I know that, but Spencer I've missed you far too much. I want to get to know you again. Can we at least catch up? Say tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I'd like that. Do you know where Millennium Park is?"

"I can find a map!"

"How about you meet me there tomorrow at 2? I have some stuff to do in the morning, but I should be free for the rest of the day. How long are you here anyways?"

"I'm here for a bit. I have to talk to the boys about that, but we'll talk about that later. I will see you tomorrow then Spencer. We should go back in and save Kyla from the boys. They can get a little grabby after a show."

We got up from our bench and went back inside to find the band and Kyla arguing over the latest battle on guitar hero. Apparently one of the guys thought that he should have won, but Kyla had clearly beaten him. It sounded as if this had been going on for awhile because Kyla was sitting on the floor with her arms in the air yelling that she was the queen of rock and roll. Ashley and I laughed and things felt like they were supposed to feel.

"Ok boys time to let Kyla go. And Andy, you know she beat you so just give it up."

"No way man! Ky did not beat me!"

"The game does not lie Andy, I won and you just can't handle to truth. I'm the queen and you know it!"

"Whatever man. I'll see you tomorrow Ky?"

"Sure thing Andy boy. I'll call you in the morning. You ready to head out Spence?"

"Yeah I'm ready." I turned to Ashley. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow. Night Kyla, don't forget to call me."

"Ciao Ash; boys I shall see you later."

Kyla and I left the building and started to walk back towards her apartment. I was smiling as I thought of how great the concert was and seeing Ashley again. Then it occurred to me.

"Shit Kyla what am I going to do about Mel?" I stopped dead in my tracks.

"Oh god Spencer, I have no idea. Do you still love her?"

"I don't know… I honestly don't know if I ever really did. I'm horrible!"

"Come on, let's keep walking. I'm sure you have loved her Spence it's just hard to get over your first love. You and Ashley were different."

"Yeah I know. I don't think I could ever really get over what Ashley and I had. This is so messed up Kyla. What am I going to do? Tell Melissa that I can't be with her anymore, break her heart. I would have no where to live and I would be sticking her with rent to pay by herself. I can't do that to her."

"Don't worry about money. You need to think about what is going to be best for you and Melissa. If you think that there is potentially part of you that still wants to be with Ashley it might be best if you break up now. Don't drag this out longer than it needs to go."

"Right, ok. Well we're at your place; I'm just going to keep walking and try to figure this out. Thanks for bringing me tonight. I really needed it."

"I'm glad we could go together. I'll talk to you later, ok?"

"Ok, later."

I walked off towards the apartment that I shared with my girlfriend. Was I really going to break up with her for a girl that I may never get back together with? I can't believe the thoughts that are going through my head.

#21: Simplicity

**Ok guys, please let me know what you think. Any ideas on how the next few chapters should go? I hope to update again sometime next week, probably over the weekend because my girl will be gone********. Hopefully then I will be able to concentrate on this thing a little more!**


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